Categories
Rituals

Bet Mitzvah: An Inclusive Term for the Jewish Coming-of-Age Ceremony

Rabbis Linda Joseph and Evan Schultz of the CCAR Worship and Practice Committee explain how the committee chose a more inclusive phrase as the CCAR’s general term for a Jewish milestone.

In recent years, existing terms for the Jewish coming-of-age ceremony—commonly referred to as a bar or bat mitzvah in singular, b’nei or b’not mitzvah in plural—have come to seem inadequate due to their gendered nature. For the past several months, the CCAR Worship and Practice Committee has searched for an all-inclusive, general term for this milestone for use in CCAR Press publications, CCAR statements, and on our social media channels.

When the CCAR Board assigned this task to our committee, we spent some time establishing criteria, researching, debating, and discussing. In our conversation, three key priorities were identified: We wanted a term to be inclusive of all gender identities and gender expressions. We wanted a term that honored the Hebrew language in its usage and meaning. And we wanted a term that used familiar or existing language so that it would be understandable, useable, and “sticky” (i.e., it would be inclined to be used).

Criteria in hand, the committee entered a research stage. We solicited colleagues in the CCAR and ACC to share with us the terms they used and why. We surveyed American, Israeli, and British colleagues as to their thoughts. We asked questions of experts in feminist theory, gender theory, and queer theory. We read sermons on changing language around this Jewish milestone. We consulted the Nonbinary Hebrew Project and Keshet.

Our research left us rich with possibilities. The commitment to tradition, creativity, and imagination of our colleagues and congregations presented us with at least sixteen viable options. Discussion ensued on the meaning, nuances, and interconnecting textual references of these terms, reminiscent of the pilpul (Talmudic disputation) of the rabbinic scholars of yore. Ultimately, we settled on the term “bet mitzvah.” 

We found this nomenclature compelling for several reasons:

  • Bet is the first Hebrew letter of the traditional name of this lifecycle event, so the term is gender neutral. Using the letter bet provides flexibility for a student to choose which term they would like to use—bar mitzvah, bat mitzvah, b’nei mitzvah, or bet mitzvah. It thus acknowledges the traditional terms while creating a new term that honors diverse gender inclusivity and expression. Bet mitzvah is also the term recommended by the Nonbinary Hebrew Project and is already in use in several congregations.
  • The lovers of text in our souls associated the letter bet with the first letter of the Torah. It is the letter opening the parashah that honors all of God’s creations. It is a letter open to possibilities for what may follow. In addition, bet can be read as the conjunctive form of bayit, alluding to the inclusion of all participants in this coming-of-age ceremony who have a “home” in Judaism. In Hebrew, bet mitzvah makes sense as a conjunctive.
  • Finally, bet is a term that both Hebrew literate and non-Hebrew literate members of our communities have heard before. Like the more traditional familiar terms, it is one syllable. The committee believed this term could become “sticky.”

The CCAR Worship and Practices Committee felt that bet mitzvah best reflected our determinants of inclusivity, honoring Hebrew, and using familiar or existing language. We also recommended that CCAR Press publish a footnote about the term when it is first used in each publication, until it becomes a regular part of our Jewish vocabulary. The CCAR Board accepted our proposal and recommendations.

Importantly, we do not intend for this term to replace “bar mitzvah” and “bat mitzvah” but rather to be an additional, inclusive option for families and youths. While “bet mitzvah” will be our default general term in CCAR materials, we hope that each student will be encouraged to choose the term that’s most meaningful to them.

Language by its very nature evolves with our human and religious mores and understandings. We begin with using bet mitzvah in CCAR publications, correspondence, and social media. It will guide us as we consider new designs for lifecycle certificates. But perhaps one day, there will be a future when websites have a tab labeled “Bet Mitzvah,” when your local Jewish bookstore carries bet mitzvah cards, and when you receive a “thank you so much for coming to my bet mitzvah!” note from a thirteen-year-old.


Rabbi Linda Joseph is a member of the CCAR Worship and Practice Committee. She is the rabbi of Bet Aviv in Columbia, Maryland, and serves as faculty for the URJ’s Introduction to Judaism program.

Rabbi Evan Schultz is cochair of the CCAR Worship and Practice Committee. He is the senior rabbi of Congregation B’nai Israel in Bridgeport, Connecticut.

Categories
Rituals

Celebrating Retirement: A Synagogue/Home Ritual

As rabbis, most of us are able to have a meaningful celebration when we retire, but many of our congregants don’t always have that opportunity. Recognizing that need, I created a ceremony that rabbis can share with members of their community to turn the milestone of their retirement into a sacred Jewish moment. This ritual can be performed with the retiree’s family and friends, whether on Zoom or, when safe and appropriate, in person in a synagogue setting.

Needed: challah, wine, and a candle.

Retiree: This is truly a sacred moment in my life. I have spent my life making a living and now have reached this moment of retirement, the beginning of a new adventure. As we do in all sacred moments, we say together the words of the Shehecheyanu (Hebrew and English).

I can only imagine how excited and overwhelmed with joy my parents (names) (“of blessed memory” or “who are with us this day”) were when I came into this world. (If retiree has children, include: “For I remember how excited (spouse’s name) and I were when we had (names of children).”

My childhood years were filled with joy and happiness. I remember (name some remembrances). There was also sorrow and sadness (name some remembrances). But I made it through those years and was better for it.

And the Lord spoke to Abraham and Sara saying: “Lech l’cha, go forth to a land that I will show you—and be a blessing.”

I did go forth to make my way in life to a world in which I could be a blessing to (name spouse, partners, friends, and/or colleagues).

Indeed, God’s promise of being a blessing was fulfilled! I feel I touched the lives of so many by completing my life’s task up until this moment. Also, I changed the world a little by my involvement in (name volunteer organizations, donations, causes involved with).

Now, once again, I hear God’s command to go forth to a new phase of my life. Just as Abraham and Sara, Moses, Aaron, and Miriam, Joshua, and all my ancestors, some who crossed raging seas, did not know their destination when they began, my destiny is a mystery as well. I know not what I will encounter on my way to my personal promised land, but I know I will discover new and interesting aspects about myself and the world.

I know that in this new adventure I will continue to be a blessing to my loved ones when I (name retirement plans).

It has been said that one becomes old when one stops dreaming. So, like Joseph before me, I still dream. I dream of (name aspirations for retirement).

I am grateful that God has blessed me and kept me alive for so many years to reach this new stage of life. I thank God and pray: “May my life continue to be a blessing.”

Family and friends respond: You have been a blessing to us. You have loved us, mentored us, and provided for us. We thank you for your gifts of mind and body. (Each individual can share personal words of thanks.)

As the people Israel are commanded to be an or l’goyim, a light unto the nations, I light this candle as a symbol that I too may continue to be a light unto my family and community: a light of justice and morality, a light of strength and guidance, a light of leadership and continuing to be a role model. (Light candle) 

As I begin this new adventure I say the words of a traveler’s prayer:

May it be Your will, Adonai, our God and the God of our Mothers and Fathers, that You lead me toward the peace I seek. Guide my footsteps in the choices I make, and help me and my family reach our desired destination of a life filled with meaning, gladness, and shalom. May You protect us from the hand of every foe and scheme that would lead us astray from our dreams of a peaceful and meaningful world. May You send blessing in the work of my hands and mind, and grant me grace, kindness, and mercy in Your eyes and in the eyes of all with whom I will come in contact during this next period of my life. May You hear the sound of my humble requests as I begin my new adventure. Blessed are You, Adonai, Who hears the voices of humans in prayer. Amen.

All of you have shared with me my accomplishments and achievements, and you have heard my dreams for this encore chapter of my life, now share with me the bounties of life by which I have been blessed.

Share wine and challah with everyone. Recite blessings in Hebrew and English.

Optional concluding songs[1] and reading:

  • Debbie Friedman: “T’filat Haderech,” “L’chi Lach,” “Kaddish D’Rabbanan,” “The Journey Song”
  • Dan Nichols: “Beyond”
  • Cantor Benjie Ellen Schiller: “Blessing,” “Everyone Has a Name,” “Lamdeini,” “May You Live to See Your World Fulfilled”
  • Craig Taubman: “Journey”
  • Steve Schiller: “Livracha”
  • Peter Yarrow: “Sweet Survivor”
  • Cantor Jeff Klepper/ Rabbi Daniel Freelander: “Ushmor”
  • Noah Budin: “Wisdom of the Heart”
  • Sheryl Braunstein: “Y’varech’cha”
  • Rabbi Karyn D. Kedar, “To the Uplifting God, Help Me,” from Amen (CCAR Press, 2020, p. 79)


Rabbi Daniel A. Roberts is Rabbi Emeritus of Temple Emanu El in Cleveland. He is the co-author, with Dr. Michael Friedman, of Clergy Retirement: Every Ending a New Beginning for Clergy, Their Family, and the Congregation. He invites readers to contact him at drobe17@aol.com for more ideas on how to implement this ritual in a congregational setting.

[1] Suggested by Rabbi Billy Dreskin and Cantor Ellen Dreskin