In honor of Pride Month, the critical contribution of our LGBTQIA+ rabbinic and Jewish community, and the 35th anniversary of the CCAR Report on Homosexuality in the Rabbinate, the CCAR is honored to share the stories of the experiences of LGBTQIA+ Reform rabbis.
One Friday night at my student pulpit, I came out in a sermon. Those present now knew I was trans, and I was sure they would tell the rest of the community.
Fast forward a few months to another Friday night. As soon as I finished our closing song, a woman I hadn’t seen before dragged her son to the bimah before I had a chance to descend.
“Rabbi,” she said, “I have a question for you.” Her son shyly half-hid behind her, keeping his gaze on the ground.
“Sure,” I said to her, bracing myself for what could come next.
“I don’t know how to say this,” she confessed, somewhat sheepishly. “Let’s say, hypothetically, there was a child who was born female but then became male, a female-to-male transgender child. Hypothetically, would that child be allowed to have a bar mitzvah?”
My heart rose to my throat and I couldn’t help myself from blurting out, “You don’t know I’m trans?”
The mother’s concerned expression vanished, replaced by joy and excitement.
“Look sweetie,” she exclaimed, pulling her son’s shoulders to bring him in front of her, “the rabbi is just like you!” The son, no longer hidden, grinned wide, somewhat in disbelief.
“I never answered your question,” I said. I turned to the child. “Yes, you can have a bar mitzvah. You can do anything you want. You can be anything you want. You can even be in my position one day. You belong here, and we are so happy to have you in our community.”
“Looks like we need to get you in Hebrew school, mister,” she said to him, and his eyes lit up with excitement. This was not the answer they had anticipated. They did not have to hide here. They were free.
Rabbi Ariel Tovlev (he/ him, they/ them) is a member of the CCAR, a writer, poet, consultant, and educator. Read his writing on Jewish approaches to Transgender Awareness Week here and in Mishkan Ga’avah: Where Pride Dwells.
One reply on “‘You Belong Here’: Rabbi Ariel Tovlev on LGBTQIA+ Belonging On (and Off) the Bimah”
Tears. Thank tou.